A Pip of a Problem
by FooZater
Summary: Communication problems throughout the ship put our captain and commander in a slippery sort of situation.


Disclaimer: Paramount et al.

AN: A very old fic that I wrote years ago. Just a break from my current, heavy hearted fic and some housekeeping on my old fic that no longer have a home.

Just a bit of silliness. No plot. None. Whatsoever.

* * *

><p>"<em>Tuvok to the Captain<em>."

Kathryn Janeway rolled her eyes and batted at the hands of her first officer as her security officer's voice filled the room. She eyed Chakotay will steely eyes, willing him with a glare not to start his ministrations right now. He only smirked at her and she immediately had thoughts of doing harm to him, but the Ready Room was too near the Bridge and Tuvok would certainly hear his cries of pain.

She sighed. "Janeway here, what can I do for you, Tuvok?"

"_The Lincara ambassadors have arrived, Captain_."

Kathryn bit back a growl. Problems with their communications throughout the ship had meant negotiations with the natives had to be done face to face.

"I'll be with you in ten minutes, Tuvok. Keep our guests comfortable and entertained until then, will you? Janeway out."

* * *

><p>Out on the Bridge, Harry had escorted their visitors out of the turbolift, just as Janeway had finishing speaking. Tuvok turned from his station to them.<p>

"Greetings ambassadors," he said and the small voracious aliens bobbed happily and smiled jubilantly at him. "If you would just -" but he was cut off by a shriek that erupted through the comm. system.

"_That tickles_!"

Tuvok swirled around at the sound of his captain's voice.

"_Stop that, will you_?" There it came again, followed by a giggle. The entire Bridge fell silent, listening.

"_If you would just stay still, Kathryn, this would be a lot easier for me._" Eyebrows raised as the disembodied voice of their first officer came floating back.

"_I'm perfectly still, you're the one that's ... _wiggling_ about._" A loud gasp could be heard and ... "_Jesus! Chakotay, your hands are _freezing!"

"_I'll remember to warm them up in future._" Everyone could hear the smile in his voice.

Paris turned around in his seat to look at Tuvok with wide eyes, the beginning of a grin pulling at his lips.

"Mr. Kim," Tuvok said with a certain disproval in his voice. "The captain's comm. badge seems to have remained active after she terminated the link." Harry nodded dumbly. "See if you can close the channel," Tuvok ordered stiffly, looking as uncomfortable as a Vulcan could.

"_Ouch_!"

"_Stop moaning, Kathryn_."

"_If I was moaning, you'd know about it!_" she retorted sharply.

"_I can hear you perfectly, and you're moaning," he countered evenly._

"_Ow_!" A slap could be heard.

"_What was that for_?"

"_You nipped me_!"

"_That was hardly my fault_."

"_So whose fault was it? Tuvok's_?"

"_Most things are_," he mumbled back grouchily. "_Damned Vulcan_."

"_Who's moaning now_?" The smile this time, in her voice.

"_Shut up, Kathryn; and stop laughing. This isn't funny,_" he admonished her.

"_I disagree,_" and her tone agreed with her.

"_Look, this isn't working ... I can't do it in this position_."

"_You want me on the desk and you here_?"

"_No, that won't work either, I'm still too tall_."

"_My backside is numb anyway. How about standing up, you could bend down_?"

"_Okay, let's try that_."

"_Damn! Kathryn, do you see where it went_?"

"_What are you asking me for ... its so bloody small!"_

"_Well stop standing there looking at me! Get down on your knees and help_!"

Some scuffling about, a few thumps and groans followed as Tuvok's eyebrows danced on his forehead out on the bridge and he took a moment to encourage Harry to hurry up as he noted the look of alarmed delight on their visitors' face. "Mr. Kim?" he pressed.

Harry was tripping over himself to close the channel and had even enlisted B'Elanna's help but it was jammed and nothing was working at the moment. The aliens and Tom Paris, however, seemed to be enjoying the show.

"_Found it_!"

"_Oh good. Now hurry up, we've only got a few minutes_."

"_Ahhhh_!" Kathryn squealed.

"_What now_?"

"_You're pushing too hard._"

"_That's the idea, Kathryn_."

"_You don't have to be so rough!_"

"_It won't work otherwise. We tried gentle ... remember_?"

"_Hmm_," she hummed.

"_Oh! I think we have some action here!_"

"_Really_?"

"_Yeah.._." A grunt. "_One_."

"_Ooh yes_!"

"_Annnnnnd two_!"

"_Oh, wonderful!_"

"_Here comes ..._"

"_What_?"

"_Ah ... ah ... achoo_!"

"_You okay_?"

"_Your hair is tickling me_."

"_Sorry. Here... any better_?"

"_Much_."

"_So, you were coming with three_?"

"_I was ...but I think I lost the flow_." A huff of disappointment could be heard.

"_Hold on... yes!_"

"_You're getting good at this_."

"_Practice makes perfect."_

"_I've been doing this on my own for years and you are definitely better_."

"_So, ready_?"

"_I'm ready_."

"_Okay, here it comes Kathr-_"

Tom Paris whirled around as Chakotay stopped mid sentence. A breath of relief from Harry told him the channel was closed.

"Typical," Tom muttered, swinging his seat back to his station. "Just at the good bit too."

* * *

><p>Back in the Ready Room...<p>

"Okay, here it comes, Kathryn... four!"

Kathryn sighed in delight. "You're a miracle worker, Commander!" She praised him.

"Yeah, well next time you need those damn pips pinned on... don't ask me!"

:=)


End file.
